The Aesthete finds the cupboard bare.

The Aesthete's Fleet

Having once again applied myself to smoothing out the GTV's multifarious rattles, resonations and sympathetic vibrations, I tracked one down to a loosely fitted piece of stainless rear window trim that was lifting under aerodynamic force and beating out a lively rhythm on the steel hatch. This was amplified by the empty chamber of the open tube that forms the interior but only while the car was on the move. No one said owning an Italian car was easy.

1962 Fiat 500D. If you want to get a head start on your classic Cinquecento restoration, here is the ideal candidate. Looking a lot like a steel 1:1 scale Airfix kit is this early rear hinged door model with boxes of new parts to help keep the project rolling along. Wheels are not mentioned so get on the web now and find yourself a set of Campagnolo alloys. Go on, get to it.

For: A restoration project that you could actually finish.
Against: Nothing that I can see.
Investment potential: 8/10 and rising.

1968 Triumph Vitesse. Most Vitesses offered for sale on Trademe are frankly awful but this looks more respectable. Being a 1968 car it lacks the scientific rear suspension fitted to later cars so is deserving of respect when poised on the edge of traction. 100 HP is roughly three time what the original Herald had to cope with so let's not have your screams of terror added to howling tyres.

For: Its like a BMW 2002 but made out of ride on mower parts.
Against: See above.
Investment potential: 3/10 with a retirement age fan base.

1964 Buick Riviera. The crisp details of these early Rivieras mesmerise the Aesthete, more so when rendered in Primrose Yellow with a black leather interior. God is in the details and the originator of that phrase, novelist Gustave Flaubert, is said to have 'avoided the inexact, the abstract, the vaguely inapt expression, and scrupulously eschewed the cliché.' Well, exactly.

For: Leave a copy of Flaubert's Madame Bovary on the seat and I will run away with you.
Against: It will end in tragedy.
Investment potential: 6/10

1973 Mercedes Benz 280E. $3.50 seems quite good value for this twin cam saloon that sat midway up the MB product ladder back in the day. The vendor is clearly tired of fiddling with it and its lack of go could probably be cured with fresh petrol and a good spruce up in the fuel pump and filter department. You will then enjoy engineering efficiency from a period when engineers wore ties at work.

For: A serious sort of car.
Against: Are you a serious sort of person?
Investment potential: Have a look at the 230E with an asking price of 30K and threats of legal action if you waste the vendor's time. What gets into them?




On some faraway beach...

1990 Nissan Autech Zagato Stelvio. Looking like the misbegotten offspring of an Aston Martin Zagato is this Italian coach built Nissan, part of the weird and exotic small run specials produced for the home market. Powered by a turbo V6 but mated to an automatic gearbox, it is somewhat akin to the Subaru SVX but predated that other Italian designed GT. This one somehow got to the UK but it would be interesting to see if there were any for sale in Japan.

For: A Zagato rarity.
Against: Soooo ugly.
Investment potential: 3/10: The 90s are on their way.

The Aesthete explores the fringes

The Aesthete's Fleet
Someone, possibly that awful Clarkson fellow, said that owning an Alfa Romeo was like having a beautiful but emotionally unhinged girlfriend. This leads me to think that owning a Toyota must be like living with your mother. Many of your basic needs are met but the sex will be absolutely dreadful. With that in mind, this week's diverse selection should restore the heat to any motoring relationship.

1955 Austin Champ. These are certainly interesting if over-technologised failure is any measure. The military versions featured rubber buffered independent suspension designed by Alec Issigonis, 24 volt electrics, five speed all synchromesh gearboxes and a 2.8 litre Rolls Royce engine built to white jacket boffin specification. All components were sealed against water and the vehicle could be driven while submerged when equipped with a snorkel kit. The army found that Land Rovers could do almost all that the Champ could for half the cost and most of the fleet was flogged off for 3p per gross in the mid-1960s.

For: Built to a similar standard to the Lunar Rover.
Against: Rust in the load bearing body is not good.
Investment potential: 4/10 but only if the body is salvageable.

1989 Chevron Mazda.  Chevron has been developing Lotus Seven type sports cars for many years and most were sold in kit form so that owners could finish them to their own exacting specification. A light weight and free revving rotary was a popular choice and gave coruscating performance to those brave enough to open the taps. If seeing your life flash before your eyes on a trip to the shops is what you need to being meaning to your grey existence, here is your car.

For: Right off the scale for performance vs. cost.
Against: You should wear a helmet and a nomex suit while in it.
Investment potential: Terrifying.

1982 Lancia HPE 2000. Has there ever been an uninteresting Lancia? Well, they have been doing their best to blight the proud name by selling rebadged Chryslers so yes is the regretful answer. Although a Fiat project, the Beta HPE was the clever foil to the Alfetta GTV with a proper hatch and folding rear seat to make it the ideal long weekend car. Forget the SUV. This is much better.

For: Room for two and all your stuff.
Against: Nulla!
Investment potential: Nice ones are still very cheap. Buy while you can.

1995 BMW M3. Cramming a yowling six cylinder engine into a small saloon is an old trick but our Bavarian friends do it better than most. This M has been tastefully upgraded, avoiding the egregious bling usually fitted to cars from Japan so you could use it without feeling you were trapped in one of those wretched Vin Diesel epics that clog up Sky Movies from dusk till dawn.

For: Recreate the misspent youth you probably did not have.
Against: People will assume unflattering things about you.
Investment potential: Compared to a Porsche, this seems entirely reasonable.

1987 Mercedes Benz 560 SEL. With modest milage on is elegant dial, this S Class should still be capable of reaching its 250KPH terminal velocity and you will not splash a single drop of your drink while doing so. Air suspension and room to stretch your loafered feet in the rear cabin let you experience the lifestyle denied us in the greedy '80s unless you were one of those developers that escaped a stay in the slammer.

For: All is forgiven now.
Against: It still looks like it was designed to mow through a picket line.
Investment potential: Junk bond status, sadly.

On some faraway beach.

1959 King Fuldamobil. I have always admired cars that look like a child's drawing so was immediately drawn to this Sputnik era Fuldamobil. I see it swooping along the Port Chalmers Highway on two of its three wheels while wringing all of the available 10 HP from its single cylinder Sachs two stroke. If our forebears had to suffer this way to obtain covered transport, why should we demand more?

For: Oh come on. Look at it.
Against: Smoky, stinky, noisy, funny looking and slow. Perfect.
Investment potential: The microcar market is buoyant so why not?

The Aesthete's concours d'awfulness

The Aesthete's Fleet
With Aesthetette and eminent art historian in tow, we went up the coast to Maheno where they were holding a show and shine event beside the old Maheno Tavern, now pleasantly made over as a motoring themed cafe. It always looked like a place where you could be the victim of an awful crime and your body thrown in a ditch so I have not found a reason to stop there before.  Today the sun was shining and there were trees to sit under and a band playing obscure hits by The La De Das. It has been a long time since I heard On Top Of The World being played to a crowd of long haired men in leather jackets and tatooed ladies in peasant dresses. It seemed like I had traveled through a wormhole back to 1972 so I was pleased to leave again and return to my own time. It did make me think what I would have in my own concours event so brace yourselves...

1985 Ford Mustang LS. It seems no nostalgia movement is powerful enough to shift this generation of American cars back into respectability but that means that nice examples can be had for almost nothing. The white seats, red carpets and printed wood effect dash speak of wall units, eight tracks and other damned pieces of interior decor from the era that no one seriously wants to see again. You will need a strong sense of irony but it might be fun.

For: Just the thing for a junk shop cruise.
Against: You will not get a wall unit into it.
Investment potential: You must be joking.

1979 Nissan Personal-Six. I love listings where the vendor threatens to beat you soundly if you ask the wrong sort of questions. One question you could ask is what sort of fool restores a car and leaves it outside for six years to rust but that would probably get you a broken nose. There is something compelling about big Japanese saloons with gold plated scripts that associate random words like Personal-Six but do not mention that either, lest he think you are some sort of smart alecky type.

For: That strip speedo. What class.
Against: Well its shot full of holes for a start.
Investment potential: Where is my can of Bad Japanese Car Away?

1986 Pontiac Fiero. This goes against the grain somewhat as Fieros are actually quite nice in six cylinder manual form but here is a good example of how a dire reputation can drag down the values of all associated cars. As six cylinder Porsche 914s are now worth 100K, why has the Fiero not also rocketed skywards to reach this magic number? Answers please.

For: Look at that interior. Giorgetto should sue!
Against: Mid engined but slow and awful handling. Only Americans can do that.
Investment potential: Oh, stupendous of course.

1965 Vanden Plas Princess. Look what these cap on backwards types have done with granddad's old Princess. How they must laugh on Friday nights as they do donuts on the footy field or drive through someone's rose garden in this. I am horrified to think that it might be the rather nice green car that was for sale in Alexandra last year, fallen into completely the wrong hands. I think someone should go up there and invoke some old statute about defacing images of the Queen.

For: How the great have fallen.
Against: But is is funny.
Investment potential: Considerably less than last year.

1985 Dutton Sports. Given that a fibreglass bodied two seater could be made look like almost anything the makers desired, why does this Dutton look like a Lotus Seven made out of lunch boxes? They had Lotus's own S4 as a warning but no, they pressed on, adding more current styling tricks as they went until arriving at the rear and fitting a spoiler to complete the effect of a small dog having a violent seizure.

For: I am sure it is fun to drive.
Against: But you will need to look at it as well.
Investment potential: Getting someone to see its charms now will be hard.

On some faraway beach...

1957 Chrysler Crown Imperial Ghia Limousine. So if two of the Aesthete's favourite designers, Ghia's Luigi Segre and Chrysler's Virgil Exner, came together in fervid embrace in the night to produce the ultimate dream limousine, what would their offspring have looked like? Wolves have clearly been living in it and it barely runs but it is the ultimate in sybaritic personal transport from a period when paying a driver meant that you had made it to the top of the heap.

For: I want a white mink rug to put under my feet.
Against: You will be followed everywhere by a stone throwing mob of anti TPP protestors.
Investment potential: Given that it will cost you another 50K to fix the interior, I see little room for profit.

 .

The Aesthete goes another round

The Aesthete's Fleet
My long spell of enforced idleness is coming to an end as I return to teach in a sadly depleted design course although there are, as Ian Dury said, reasons to be cheerful. The lyrics to that great number include:
18-wheeler Scammels, Domenecker camels
All other mammals plus equal votes
Seeing Piccadilly, Fanny Smith and Willy
Being rather silly, and porridge oats.
Surely no more obscure motoring reference than that exists in the popular songbook.

1978 Lincoln Grandeur Royale Coupe. Viewers of a sensitive disposition should cover their eyes now. Incredibly, a number of buyers were willing to pay twice the new price of a standard Lincoln Versailles to the Grandeur Motorcar Corporation of Pompona, Florida to have them remove the rear seats and stretch the front with steel girders. The side-mount spares were fakes to disguise the elongated front wings so the car has three of these in total including the one on the boot lid. The company applied for a patent to prevent others copying this ingenious act but it is hard to imagine anyone wanting to do it.

For: Marvin Gaye owned one which is the most shocking news I have received all year.
Against: People will laugh so hard they will probably pass out.
Investment potential: On the right day at the right auction?

1963 Mercedes Benz 220 SE Cabriolet. The first time I saw this listed the vendor was bellowing about wanting 160K for it unrestored and that he would start fixing it himself if no-one produced the spondulicks. He has since climbed down from this lofty station and sensible bids are now being offered for what is certainly a rare and desirable car.  All other claims should be investigated with care.

For: In the right colours and immaculate, these cars a worth a lot of money.
Against: A case for due diligence.
Investment potential: We shall not know until the bids are all in.

1974 Triumph Stag. The Triumph engineers at Canley played a risky hand when they bluffed that the Rover V8 would not fit their new sports tourer, so inflicting customers with their own underdeveloped and cobbled together V8. It turns out there is room even for the bored out Australian version which would allow for a vigorous buffeting of your thinning thatch, should you dare to punch the throttle.

For: The Stag was a car begging for more power and here it is.
Against: The wheels and bonnet bulge could go.
Investment potential: 3/10. A full four seater convertible that is a lot cheaper than a 220SE.

1959 Studebaker Silver Hawk. Even with the front and rear ends heavily bedizened, the later Hawk coupes still looked sharp, suggesting that the investment in Raymond Loewy's studio skills had paid off for Studebaker.  Long ignored by enthusiasts, Studebakers are starting to sell well in their native country, suggesting that a New Zealand new car like this may be a wise buy.

For: The most beautiful American car is drawing a bit of a long bow but it is definitely handsome.
Against: Nothing I can see from here.
Investment potential: Should hold up well until the end of fracking anyway.

1965 Bond Equipe GT4S. Strong colours and presentation make all the difference on these attractive little coupes so the ill fitting panels and drab hue of this Equipe do it no favours. The curvaceous fibreglass superstructure was an awkward fit onto the Herald base in any case but you can do much better than this with a stout bit of wood to lever those doors back into their holes.  And that retroussé Kamm effect rear end is very endearing.

For: If this was an Ogle SX1000 it would be ten times the price.
Against: Well, it's not is it?
Investment potential: 6/10. Small is good, remember.


This week's mystery and it is not Italian this time...

1949 Georges Irat Labourdette cabriolet. As so elegantly phrased below, this little roadster was a prototype for a new small French car by the restlessly inventive Georges Irat. Bodied by the proud coach builder Labourdette along similar lines to the open Panhards to which I am unnaturally attracted, it remained the solitary example. It has just sold for 57,216 € so if you wanted it, you are out of luck. You will have to buy the Peugeot 204 Cabriolet from last week.

For: C'est incroyable!
Against: Laid comme un pou.
Investment potential: Well, there is no competition in the marketplace for post-war Georges Irat.