The Aesthete's New Year selection

We will do without the long confessional preamble this week. Needless to say I am still in Auckland and have not been home to look at the Triumph, take the covers off the Italians or kiss the Aesthetette's sweet head. Tomorrow though...

I wish all the readers a happy new year and will be back promptly in 2015.  

1961 Chevrolet Impala Coupe. The Aesthete has often averred that the only interesting things that happen with American cars of this period occur at the top and bottom of the range so where does that leave Chevrolet Impalas, surely the most middling of cars? These early '60s examples almost upset the rule with their elegant cab forward profiles and long rear decks, unspoiled by egregious bling. If he was to buy any car on looks alone, it would be something like this.

For: Meets and exceeds all the Aesthete's dubious aesthetic objectives.
Against: Despite the vendor's claims,  it probably drives like an old kapok mattress.
Investment potential: 1/10 and probably at the top of the curve now.

1970 Rover 3500. You could say similar things about the early model P6B Rovers with their Design Council modular dashboards and air of unforced modernist elegance. Later efforts to modernise the modernism produced a dismal clash of values, a bit like PVC joinery on an Arts and Crafts cottage. The dull green paint is like patina on a favourite old chair and I would simply slow down the rust and use it as it is.

For: Do nothing and continue to use it.
Against: A bit too dull for you? You could buff it up if you wanted.
Investment potential: 2/10 but only if you follow the advice above.

1973 Fiat 125. Yet more unforced modernist elegance with this Fiat 125, surely the best value classic Italian saloon that there is? Wonderfully adaptable with a variety of uses from daily commuting to track day shenanigans, a 125 is the ideal hobby car as long as the body is not shot full of holes. Most have long succumbed if the rust took serious hold so hooking a sound survivor will earn you the Aesthete's seal of approval.

For: Are those Wolfrace wheels? Someone out there will know.
Against: Not much. And its not much.
Investment potential: 9/10. Yes, really.

1969 BMW 2000. Oh dear. This listing has everything: a fugitive panel beater, years of inappropriate  storage, dashed expectations and a final sad denouement on the pages of Trademe. The ultimate development of BMW's class setting saloon is a bit like the previous listings, rather too good to end up in this sort of state for 1K. Grasp the nettle and buy this car, get it out on the track and tell everyone you fixed it from a dismal wreck. Even those awful Ferrari people will tip their hats to you.

For: Oh come on. We like a challenge.
Against: We do, don't we?
Investment potential: 2/10 but race it, don't try and restore it.

1998 Peugeot 406 Coupe. I had to dredge through the moderns this week to complete the list and what a dismal experience it is. Everything that is ill with the world presently can be seen in the hopeless efforts to trade or otherwise shake off Nissan Trivias, Mazda Refluxes and Toyota Anuses  with 320Ks on their stupid grey clocks. Who wants them? NOBODY WANTS THEM. HIRE A DIGGER AND BURY THEM. Leave this nice Peugeot 406 Coupe in less than obvious blue above ground though.

For: Ferrari looks for practically nothing.
Against: You cannot open the door if you are parked uphill, so full of stuff are they.
Investment potential: You would need the Kelvin scale.

On some faraway beach...

1965 Fiat-OSCA 1600S Cabriolet. Fiat spiced up its already charming Pininfarina convertible with a pile of  leftover OSCA engines, the twin cam zing coming from this exotic Maserati brothers side project. An actual OSCA coupe will cost over 100K so this hybrid offers supreme value for money with enough performance to put those upstart Alfas in their place.

For: Heritage, refined looks, unfixable mechanicals. What is there not to like?
Against: Better polish up your language skills. You will be needing them.
Investment potential: 4/10. I see some potential here.










 

The Aesthete packs his Christmas stocking

... with a pair of tired, holed denims, t-shirts and some underpants and prepares to flee back to Dunedin on the next available flight. The past month has been chastening. I have visited ghost shopping malls with more staff than customers, mastered the eyes closed lane blocking technique that is the key to successful urban driving, and realised that nobody of normal intelligence lives between the East Coast Bays and Warkworth.  The beautiful city of my childhood is in ruins, the mayor doing to it as he once did to Bevan Chuang on the committee room table. As John Betjemen wrote of a certain English town during the Second World War...

Come friendly bombs and fall on Slough!
It isn't fit for humans now,
There isn't grass to graze a cow.
Swarm over, Death! 

Come, bombs and blow to smithereens
Those air -conditioned, bright canteens,
Tinned fruit, tinned meat, tinned milk, tinned beans,
Tinned minds, tinned breath. 

Mess up the mess they call a town-
A house for ninety-seven down
And once a week a half a crown
For twenty years. 

And get that man with double chin
Who'll always cheat and always win,
Who washes his repulsive skin
In women's tears:

Oh come on, stop moaning and get on with the cars.

1992 Porsche 968. You have to admire the doggedness of Porsche engineers, continuing to produce unlikable cars throughout the 1990s that no-one really wanted. The 968 was the ultimate development of the 924, a marketing non-sequitur that diluted the brand and left it in easy reach of various Asian zero-heritage makers. Balance shafts the size of the Lusitania's filled in for the missing parts when the 928's engine was cut in half and the eyeless frontal treatment looked as if the car had evolved under an ocean rock at vast depth.

For: Anyone would think I don't like these cars. Anything but.
Against: Its ugly and wrong but you may get used to it.
Investment potential: 1/10. I predict that no market will ever emerge for these cars. They will be the Lloyds and Goliaths of the future.

1924 Vauxhall 30-98. Most of us think of Vauxhall as the below par maker of cars that folks would buy if they did not care enough to choose a Morris. This dismal run began under General Motors ownership in the 1930s when the proud Velox name was prostituted but before that Vauxhall was a sporting brand. This 30-98 was the period equivalent of an Aston Martin Vanquish, already a bit antique but capable of seeing off the competition with a guaranteed 100 mph in  race trim. 400K seems rather a lot but you have to think Delage prices rather than Bentley.

For: I could think of dumber places to rest 400K.
Against: Would you ever use it?
Investment potential: 3/10. It is one third the price of a catastrophic Kingsland do-up.

1932 Singer Nine Special. Of course for less than one percent of the all up cost of a Vauxhall 30-98 you could have the period looks and fun of a 1930s special. This entertaining little boat tailed Singer could be merrily hurled into muddy watercourses without your broker having a stroke and I suggest you would gain more than one percent enjoyment from the experience.

For: Cheap thrills of the smelly and mechanical kind.
Against: Nothing that I can think of.
Investment potential: Who cares?

1970 Volvo 122 S. Just to show that Minilites can make even a great car look better, here is a handsome Volvo Amazon that looks like Tom Trana has just put it through some laps of the European Touring Car Championship (second only to Jaguar in 1963, you know). These are wonderful things to have for just about any purpose imaginable and you could happily drive it to work every day. Except in Auckland where you need a specially strengthened frame for the atomic canon.

For: Tough as a set of studded snow tyres.
Against: The Abba song Gimme Gimme Gimme (A Man After Midnight) was playing in the Mall of the Doomed the other night.
Investment potential: 4/10 given that they are so adaptable.

1966 Maserati Sebring. You may have gathered that the Aesthete's rubric of nothing costing much more than a mid-career academic could afford has been tossed aside this week. This allows us to consider the many good reasons to buy a Maserati rather than the other Italian brand where values have soared beyond what most of us would consider sensible. Wonderboy told me this gorgeous Sebring would be coming on the market and here it is in its metallic maroon glory. Maserati meant business and you can see that in the stern Vignale lines that make a 250 Lusso look like the pomaded poseur that it is.

For: Worth stretching the finances for.
Against: Nothing. What is the matter with you?
Investment potential: 12/10. Watch out when the world runs out of that other brand.

On some faraway beach...

1956 Chrysler 300B. Are you a bit handy with a welder? At least you can see where this leviathan has become frilly before you pay your money and wait at the container terminal. Rust in a big American is rarely terminal but you way want to look at your minerals shares before taking the plunge. Your reward will be the best looking American coupe of the era.

For: So influential. Look at the Volvo if you doubt me.
Against: If it is that bad on the outside...
Investment potential: 3/10. At 12K it would be worth a punt.

The Aesthete ponders life

Well, the automotive side of life anyway. The metaphysical parts are probably too much to take on in a blog about old cars. I am still stuck in that bedizened vale on the Waitamata where every day offers a new insult to the senses. I am driving like a native now, eyes fixed murderously ahead, not using the mirrors or indicators and behaving like a character in the old movie Tron where to move out of your lane results in instantaneous fiery death.
I have been using my 'spare time', largely obtained by failing to sleep,  to plan some improvements to the Lancia. I spotted this one for sale in the UK and thought it looked spiffing on its new Minilites. Gordon-Keeble-esque said Wonderboy, thereby moving even further up in my estimation.  I found these to be a very reasonable $400 per wheel from NZ distributor Neil Allport, and cast to order with the correct offset and weird Lancia stud pattern. The Triumph has arrived in Dunedin so I will report on that when I get back home next week.

1975 Alfa Romeo GTV 2000. Could this be the best unrestored 105 series GTV in New Zealand? Possibly if the vendor's scant description holds true. Should we then be shocked at the price? No, if you consider that a rebuilt car never really feels like an original factory built one and an old Alfa is about feel more than anything else. If you want one, swallow hard and pay the man his money.

For: Has qualities that 30K at Alfaholics could not buy you.
Against: Dull colour but it is original so change it at your peril.
Investment potential: 2/10 if you use it and why would you not use it?

1979 Porsche 928. The qualities of the basic original 928 are impressive enough not to worry about it being an early model. The silken V8 and smooth automatic was matched to a brilliant interior layout and the chequerboard seat fabrics are better than any party drug the Aesthete has ever experienced. It probably still has a tape player so I recommend Iggy Pop's Lust For Life album and a late night drive in the rain. You will feel like you never left Berlin.

For: Arrgghhah! It's 10K!
Against: Absolutely nothing that I can see.
Investment potential: 8/10 if you see it as a car to run until the end of gasoline.

1967 Jaguar Mk.II 3.8. Has the shine somewhat peeled away from these old warhorses in the age of cheap import XKs? Otherwise what is this most attractively specified car doing sitting on Trademe at 20K, even if it does need an interior refurbishment? The usual strong caveats apply here as a twenty year old 'bare metal respray' could mean the typical array of fearsome bodges that these fast and powerful cars were often subjected to.

For: Inspect carefully but there could be a good car here for someone brave.
Against: Well I remember the terrifying wandering red  3.8 owned by my co-Triumph owning friend.
Investment potential. 3/10. I am surprised there are any left.

1973 Ford LTD Country Squire. Ah, what bucolic fantasies are triggered by the words 'Country Squire'. The plastic wood, the door trims panelled in the manner of Grinling Gibbons, the banquet seating in the rear and fabrics the delicate shade of a murdered ox. Who could not be satisfied by the sensory overload guaranteed by a 429 cubic inch nine seater station wagon? Not you? Are you some sort of communist?

For: Dismay your liberal friends with this.
Against: Look, it is what it is. You will need some nerve.
Investment potential: 0/10, possibly less.

1954 Lanchester Leda. The Aesthetette learnt to drive in one of these Wilson preselect gearbox Lanchesters, a strange fact that endeared her to me in the early phase of our courtship in various disreputable Auckland nightclubs. The fact that she could hot wire a car also impressed me. Should I buy her this as a token of my enduring love? Possibly not. It is a lesson in what to avoid in classic car ownership: an expensive professional restoration on a car that was terrible to begin with.

For: ......  (indicates the Aesthete is thinking)
Against: Where do I start?
Investment potential: 10K for a full leather retrim in good quality hide takes us to -14/10


Away in a foreign land... Canada actually

1947 Lancia Ardea Series 2. Would the Aesthete like this? Yes, very much. Lancia's jewell-like small car was built with a level of engineering finesse that drove the business into ruin but you have to love that about the Italians.  Built at the tiny rate of 500 per year, it is like a piece of Gio Ponti modernist furniture that you could drive in Italy to rousing cheers of approbation.

For: Oh come on. It has no engine or gearbox but those are mere trifles.
Against: It has no engine. Or gearbox. Where is the Lancia Ardea Superstore again?
Investment potential: 1/10 but fortune favours the bold.

The Aesthete visits Auckland and finds it broken.

The Aesthete's Fleet

Sorry, there is no other word for it. One dented rear bumper on the harbour bridge paralysed much of the city for an hour and a half on a SATURDAY. I can now fully understand why I have not seen any interesting old cars on the road as you would be mad to go out in anything but a five year old Nissan Tiida. I did see one amusing spectacle, however.  Four gangsters in a Mercedes 300 proceeding north on the motorway pointing their fingers out the windows as if to shoot other motorists and giving gang salutes to exhausted commuters. I wondered if they were heading for their fortified gang pad in Arkles Bay? Hilarious.

 As I am still busy sorting my elderly parents' affairs out I will let other readers do the picking this week but here is one from the Aesthete to get started with. I will begin the bikes next week.

1953 Alvis TA21. What is going on in the Alvis market? There are either more of these fine vehicles in New Zealand than I had thought or all the Alvis owners alive have clubbed together to sell their cars at once. This is the desirable Tickford-bodied drop head coupe version of the more familiar four door saloon. It is properly coach built in alloy so the condition of the timber frame is paramount. That said, it is sportier than a Daimler or Armstrong Siddeley and cheap for what it is.

For: Elegant, quite quick and with an all synchro gearbox, nice to drive.
Against: Look for evidence of rough repairs. This is well beyond an amateur's scope.
Investment potential: 3/10 if you think of the alternatives.

1952 Sunbeam Talbot 90 MkII. The cunning Rootes brothers made creative use of the Humber parts bin to concoct a smart little saloon for the post-war market. A large number were exported to the colonies and they made a more modern alternative to a Riley RM. The long bonnet covered a stonking great four cylinder motor that normally hauled around a Humber Hawk and the narrow cabin and bucket seats encouraged a measure of sporting behaviour.

For: Oh, those rear spats, definitely. Grwwlll.
Against: They rallied these in snow and ice... How?
Investment potential: 2/10. Perennially undervalued, there are two of these for sale in excellent condition for 10K.

2008 Smart ForFour Brabus: Is this the future of our hobby? Probably, so best get used to it now. I have to say, these clever little devices stand out in traffic and I have had a many chances to study traffic close up over the past ten days. Almost all modern cars seem to be cloned from the nearest equivalent Mercedes so you may as well have a Smart, a midget Merc in all but name. It weighs the same as a crisp packet and packs 174 hp so it will make you shout out loud.

For: More fun than a Lotus Elise!
Against: People will think you are a latte sipping boofhead. Or worse,  Mike Hosking.
Investment potential: 0/10. Nowhere but down until the boofheads move out of the market.

1983 Zimmer Golden Spirit. I am sure you would have to be a European philosopher with an unpronounceable name spelt with Zs, Ys and Ks to plumb the depths of alternative reality that produced this but, as the vendor says, everyone will know you have arrived. I suggested this as a Wellington town car to the other Aesthete, now domiciled there and curating shows at Te Papa. They would drop to their knees in The Terrace if you drove by in this.

For: I am not sure but I imagine the Germans have a word for it.
Against: You would have to stop laughing at some point.
Investment potential: What is doodly-squat expressed as a percentage?

1987 Citroen CX GTi. Until the benighted 1990s when they all were, no Citroen was ever boring and so it is difficult to see why the CX GTi was never really replaced in the range. Now that a plastic toy shaken from a cereal box can exceed 220KPH, the idea of a four door grand routier that can travel all day at that speed seems quaint but if I was driving from Dunedin to Christchurch regularly, this is what I would take for the ride.

For: Comfortable, fast and still cheap, even at this price.,
Against: You will need Wonderboy sooner or later. I have his number.
Investment potential: 3/10. Really good ones will follow DSes upwards.

On some faraway beach...

1974 Citroen GS Birotor. It almost seems like the rotary engine never existed now that Mazda has finally ceased developing it. In the 1970s though, everyone was having a go. You could even by a Holden Kingswood fitted with one, although it was badged as a Mazda and only sold to the certifiably insane.  The link is gone from Ebay France but you can see what you missed here on Bring A Trailer...

For: No-one else will have one, here, there or anywhere else.
Against: Oh, many things I am sure.
Investment potential: A noisy, smokey, fuel guzzling and impossible to maintain Citroen anyone? Anyone at all?