Five but not for the faint of heart

Cars, girls' names, cocktails and songs

Alice and I have been up to Queenstown for the Alfa Romeo Owners Club AGM. The best part of the weekend was the drive to Kingston which has to be the closest thing in New Zealand to the Amalfi coast. The modern turbo diesels left us in the dust but I am not sure if I would ever wish to own one. A similar car failed to leave the hotel car park and those that were left peering into the engine bay could only proffer  'Must be a crank sensor', which is apparently what you say when they fail to ignite. Everyone was very kind even though we arrived in the wrong sort of car. So here is something to go with the great Alfa Romeo Guilietta Ti came all the way from Auckland. That's more the spirit.

1966 Ferrari 330. There are many things to consider when plonking 239K down for a car. 'Will I lose my shirt on this ?' would be uppermost in my thoughts but these big but unloved Ferraris have doubled in price over the last few years. Will they keep going up? Place your bet now.  For: The dark and rearmost corner of the Ferrari top drawer. Against: Last to rise, first to fall.

1967 Oldsmobile Toronado. Not many American car designs could be termed brave but that epithet must surely apply to the front wheel drive Toronado. The avant garde engineering was carried in a distinctive body shape that somehow belied its massive dimensions. It also has a dash layout to make a Citroen DS blush. New Zealand new as well. For: Come on. Rescue it from the milking shed. Against: But then you have to drive the thing.

1969 Peugeot 204. Peugeot tried hard not to fail with its first front wheel drive car, ensuring the design met its high standards of engineering refinement. Similar to the Austin 1100, the engine was mounted crossways with the gearbox in the sump. Unlike the British cars the 204 had a proper overhead cam all alloy unit and the Pininfarina styling was equally elegant. For: An unusually well built small saloon. Against: Sick engine may require a specialist.

1987 Citroen CX GTI. A fighting fit CX is a wonderful thing and if I had to choose a car to drive from Dunedin to Auckland and back this would be high on the list. I am always suspicious when I read a car needs a new head gasket. If it was a good car one would imagine swallowing hard and paying for the repair. The car looks in fine order otherwise. For: 1980s trans-continental express. Against: It is never just a head gasket.

1961 Rover 105R. Undoubtedly the worst car Rover ever made but a worthy challenge to the mechanically able nonetheless. The R stands for Roverdrive, a diabolical semi-automatic gearbox designed in-house for obscure reasons. It comprises a fluid flywheel, vacuum operated single plate clutch, two speed manual gearbox and an overdrive hung off the back, all connected to the engine by servos and a complex array of rods, wires, pulleys and levers. They only made them for two years and this is probably a 1958 model. For: Great when they are going. Against: Rover's darkest hour.

Five for Labour Weekend

Cars, girls' names, cocktails and songs

Another mixed bag this week but no-one can say the Petrolhead Aesthete lacks for variety.  Neither does  Nick Lowe, possibly the most tasteful man whoever troubled himself with pop music.

1953 Mercedes Benz 170 S-D. I can bend my no wrecks rule for something like this and it is certainly not a vehicle you will see on the road very often. Once Mercedes got back into full production after the war, light trucks and commercial vehicles were part of the offering. The noble radiator and wing mounted lights give it a pre-war look and it could get you some film work if they ever re-shoot Indiana Jones. For: Not your average truck. Against: A 1.7 diesel will not shift your hat.

1960 Borgward Isabella. Borgwards are an acquired taste but they were rewarding cars to own in their heyday. Deceptively quick with their 1500 cc alloy engines, they were less ponderous than a Mercedes and built to a similar high standard. Dark green and red trim suits the formal bodywork and the Aesthete likes the signs of gentle wear and tear on this example. For: Something a bit different for the Targa. Against: You might want to avoid other Borgward owners.

1964 Honda S600 Sport. Honda was rather good with engines as their 1960s foray into Formula 1 demonstrated so their tiny sports car was no toy. The twin cam four cylinder revved like a motorcycle and the brave driver could see almost 150kph flat out. Rear drive was by a pair of long chains, another reminder of the two wheeled heritage. For: Genuinely thrilling. Against: 28K is cracking on for one of these.

1966 Mazda 1000 Coupe. The rear aspect gives us a clue to the design provenance and that this little Mazda coupe is one of Giorgetto Giugiaro's lesser known works. A number were imported into Australia and they have a strong following there. The Italianate interior is delightful and the body looks like a scaled down Iso Rivolta. This is little more than a parts car but there are bits out there for those who know where to look. For: I am tempted but I really should not be. Against: Must resist..... nggrgh.

1967 Ford T5. The vendor is adamant that it is not a Mustang so what is it? The T5 was how Mustangs were sold in West Germany, largely to armed services buyers. The Mustang name had been used by other German manufacturers so it was a re-badging job that came with a European spec handling option. This one is a four speed manual so is quite desirable, being a bit handier than your average floppy example. For: It is not a Mustang. Against: It is in Arizona so you can't kick the tyres.

Five from the bottom of the barrel

Cars, girls' names, cocktails and songs

It has been a bit dull recently but Trade Me regularly coughs up five new cars every week and shows no signs of failing me so on we go. I was one of the few to drive to Naseby for their annual car show on the weekend. It snowed and everyone stayed away. Sissies. I met up with my old Alfa mending friend Eric Swinbourne and Michael Wyatt came down from Queenstown in his Maserati Ghibli, enabling me to take this photo in Dunback. What's the song? How could it be any other than Joe Walsh's meditation on the pitfalls of stardom. Southern Comfort is the drink. Candy is the name.

1956 Chevrolet Camper. I had to follow a Britz van up the hill away from Port Chalmers today. I am sure they would have pulled over if they could have seen the size of the gun I was waving around but they chose to make tea in the back as they crept up over Mt Cargill. This looks like it could get out of its own way and would be great fun if you could sustain the petrol bill. For: My idea of a holiday. Against: Let's hope they do find oil off the coast.

1962 Daimler Dart. What was the Daimler board thinking in their last days? Getting the junior clerk to style their sports car was just one of a catalogue errors that led to them being snatched up by Jaguar. The Dart's looks have become easier on the eye over the years and then there is the delight of Edward Turner's alloy V8 which contains aircraft quality materials and almost turns an ugly duckling into a swan. For: You can't see it when you are driving it. Against: Look away!

1968 Lotus Elan +2. You can tell if a car has been well styled if colour makes little difference. Colour makes all the difference with these Elans so the bright red is unfortunate, accentuating the cuttlefish lines. The car itself has been treated to a new chassis and needs only a light tidy up so the price is entirely reasonable. For: A good one would be a pleasure to own. Against: A bad one though...

1970 Volkswagen Type 181. This must be the next best thing to the Mini Mokes in the The Prisoner for conveying whimsy and slight mental instability simultaneously. I would drive it with pride around Wanaka and receive many admiring looks as I did so. For: Based on a Beetle so tough as nails. Against: You may laugh but then you have to drive the thing.

1986 Ford Sierra Cosworth. You will have to do your homework here as this low milage Cosworth is either a bargain or a monstrous fraud. If it stacks up someone should really buy it to have one of the great track cars of the '80s to use sparingly when occasion demands. For: No traction control, no ABS. Whohoo! It's the 1980s. Against. You might want those things on a wet day.

Five more rash purchases

Cars, girls' names, cocktails and songs

I have been dragging myself around the fleshpots of Queenstown recently so I am full of ire about the car buying habits of the rich. One of my companions asked if I was a communist to which I replied that I was certainly one now. There were a few classics on the road but most of it was an unrelenting sea of ugly grey 4WDs. Chris Knox would have speared them all on his mic stand and shaken their giblets out.

1952 Austin A40 The drive to the farmers' market could be made more authentic if you turned up in this rather than your planet destroying behemoth so look upon it as a piece of gentle social activism rather than just another car purchase. Charming in well defined black and maroon livery, you would of course add your own personal crest in gold to the doors. For: Ideal for pottering about. Against: Other motorists will smile but then become angry as you proceed at 70KPH.

1959 Mercedes 220S. White is perhaps not the best colour for a ponton Mercedes but the all important red leather interior looks to be in fine order and it comes with the desirable separate front seats. I imagine it would motor all day at respectable speed and would be just the thing for taking a picnic up to the lake. For: Available for 1/20th of the cost of a new one and considerably more distinctive. Against: Tainted by recent associations.

1962 Chrysler 300. Chrysler introduced a cut-price 'letterless series' 300 with a smaller power plant in 1962 and this is one of these cars. It is striking, nonetheless, with its panoramic screen and distinctive angled lights flanking an overdeveloped Lancia-like grill. 20K is a relatively modest opening price but who knows what the vendor actually expects for it. He is one of those annoying "If you won't buy it, I will send it back Stateside" types. For: The looks, mainly. Against: The vendor sounds like he wants to fight you.

1965 Ford Mustang. There are enough in New Zealand now for the prices to have settled and average spec Mustangs can be found for a reasonable outlay. This fastback is aided by the fact it is not red and might even be deemed tasteful in the eyes of some. For: A bit of a looker.  Against: Anticipate a lot of wallowing about on the road and don't expect to keep up with an enthusiastically driven Fiat Uno.

1971 Bond Bug. If you really wanted to make a splash in Queenstown, might I suggest this for turning a few heads around the nightclub strip. While I was there two nice young women invited me to their establishment. I bet if I was driving a Bond Bug I would have received many more such offers. For: Clever in a mad sort of way. Against: Mad in a mad sort of way.