The Aesthete's concours d'awfulness

The Aesthete's Fleet
With Aesthetette and eminent art historian in tow, we went up the coast to Maheno where they were holding a show and shine event beside the old Maheno Tavern, now pleasantly made over as a motoring themed cafe. It always looked like a place where you could be the victim of an awful crime and your body thrown in a ditch so I have not found a reason to stop there before.  Today the sun was shining and there were trees to sit under and a band playing obscure hits by The La De Das. It has been a long time since I heard On Top Of The World being played to a crowd of long haired men in leather jackets and tatooed ladies in peasant dresses. It seemed like I had traveled through a wormhole back to 1972 so I was pleased to leave again and return to my own time. It did make me think what I would have in my own concours event so brace yourselves...

1985 Ford Mustang LS. It seems no nostalgia movement is powerful enough to shift this generation of American cars back into respectability but that means that nice examples can be had for almost nothing. The white seats, red carpets and printed wood effect dash speak of wall units, eight tracks and other damned pieces of interior decor from the era that no one seriously wants to see again. You will need a strong sense of irony but it might be fun.

For: Just the thing for a junk shop cruise.
Against: You will not get a wall unit into it.
Investment potential: You must be joking.

1979 Nissan Personal-Six. I love listings where the vendor threatens to beat you soundly if you ask the wrong sort of questions. One question you could ask is what sort of fool restores a car and leaves it outside for six years to rust but that would probably get you a broken nose. There is something compelling about big Japanese saloons with gold plated scripts that associate random words like Personal-Six but do not mention that either, lest he think you are some sort of smart alecky type.

For: That strip speedo. What class.
Against: Well its shot full of holes for a start.
Investment potential: Where is my can of Bad Japanese Car Away?

1986 Pontiac Fiero. This goes against the grain somewhat as Fieros are actually quite nice in six cylinder manual form but here is a good example of how a dire reputation can drag down the values of all associated cars. As six cylinder Porsche 914s are now worth 100K, why has the Fiero not also rocketed skywards to reach this magic number? Answers please.

For: Look at that interior. Giorgetto should sue!
Against: Mid engined but slow and awful handling. Only Americans can do that.
Investment potential: Oh, stupendous of course.

1965 Vanden Plas Princess. Look what these cap on backwards types have done with granddad's old Princess. How they must laugh on Friday nights as they do donuts on the footy field or drive through someone's rose garden in this. I am horrified to think that it might be the rather nice green car that was for sale in Alexandra last year, fallen into completely the wrong hands. I think someone should go up there and invoke some old statute about defacing images of the Queen.

For: How the great have fallen.
Against: But is is funny.
Investment potential: Considerably less than last year.

1985 Dutton Sports. Given that a fibreglass bodied two seater could be made look like almost anything the makers desired, why does this Dutton look like a Lotus Seven made out of lunch boxes? They had Lotus's own S4 as a warning but no, they pressed on, adding more current styling tricks as they went until arriving at the rear and fitting a spoiler to complete the effect of a small dog having a violent seizure.

For: I am sure it is fun to drive.
Against: But you will need to look at it as well.
Investment potential: Getting someone to see its charms now will be hard.

On some faraway beach...

1957 Chrysler Crown Imperial Ghia Limousine. So if two of the Aesthete's favourite designers, Ghia's Luigi Segre and Chrysler's Virgil Exner, came together in fervid embrace in the night to produce the ultimate dream limousine, what would their offspring have looked like? Wolves have clearly been living in it and it barely runs but it is the ultimate in sybaritic personal transport from a period when paying a driver meant that you had made it to the top of the heap.

For: I want a white mink rug to put under my feet.
Against: You will be followed everywhere by a stone throwing mob of anti TPP protestors.
Investment potential: Given that it will cost you another 50K to fix the interior, I see little room for profit.

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