The Aesthete explores the fringes

The Aesthete's Fleet
Someone, possibly that awful Clarkson fellow, said that owning an Alfa Romeo was like having a beautiful but emotionally unhinged girlfriend. This leads me to think that owning a Toyota must be like living with your mother. Many of your basic needs are met but the sex will be absolutely dreadful. With that in mind, this week's diverse selection should restore the heat to any motoring relationship.

1955 Austin Champ. These are certainly interesting if over-technologised failure is any measure. The military versions featured rubber buffered independent suspension designed by Alec Issigonis, 24 volt electrics, five speed all synchromesh gearboxes and a 2.8 litre Rolls Royce engine built to white jacket boffin specification. All components were sealed against water and the vehicle could be driven while submerged when equipped with a snorkel kit. The army found that Land Rovers could do almost all that the Champ could for half the cost and most of the fleet was flogged off for 3p per gross in the mid-1960s.

For: Built to a similar standard to the Lunar Rover.
Against: Rust in the load bearing body is not good.
Investment potential: 4/10 but only if the body is salvageable.

1989 Chevron Mazda.  Chevron has been developing Lotus Seven type sports cars for many years and most were sold in kit form so that owners could finish them to their own exacting specification. A light weight and free revving rotary was a popular choice and gave coruscating performance to those brave enough to open the taps. If seeing your life flash before your eyes on a trip to the shops is what you need to being meaning to your grey existence, here is your car.

For: Right off the scale for performance vs. cost.
Against: You should wear a helmet and a nomex suit while in it.
Investment potential: Terrifying.

1982 Lancia HPE 2000. Has there ever been an uninteresting Lancia? Well, they have been doing their best to blight the proud name by selling rebadged Chryslers so yes is the regretful answer. Although a Fiat project, the Beta HPE was the clever foil to the Alfetta GTV with a proper hatch and folding rear seat to make it the ideal long weekend car. Forget the SUV. This is much better.

For: Room for two and all your stuff.
Against: Nulla!
Investment potential: Nice ones are still very cheap. Buy while you can.

1995 BMW M3. Cramming a yowling six cylinder engine into a small saloon is an old trick but our Bavarian friends do it better than most. This M has been tastefully upgraded, avoiding the egregious bling usually fitted to cars from Japan so you could use it without feeling you were trapped in one of those wretched Vin Diesel epics that clog up Sky Movies from dusk till dawn.

For: Recreate the misspent youth you probably did not have.
Against: People will assume unflattering things about you.
Investment potential: Compared to a Porsche, this seems entirely reasonable.

1987 Mercedes Benz 560 SEL. With modest milage on is elegant dial, this S Class should still be capable of reaching its 250KPH terminal velocity and you will not splash a single drop of your drink while doing so. Air suspension and room to stretch your loafered feet in the rear cabin let you experience the lifestyle denied us in the greedy '80s unless you were one of those developers that escaped a stay in the slammer.

For: All is forgiven now.
Against: It still looks like it was designed to mow through a picket line.
Investment potential: Junk bond status, sadly.

On some faraway beach.

1959 King Fuldamobil. I have always admired cars that look like a child's drawing so was immediately drawn to this Sputnik era Fuldamobil. I see it swooping along the Port Chalmers Highway on two of its three wheels while wringing all of the available 10 HP from its single cylinder Sachs two stroke. If our forebears had to suffer this way to obtain covered transport, why should we demand more?

For: Oh come on. Look at it.
Against: Smoky, stinky, noisy, funny looking and slow. Perfect.
Investment potential: The microcar market is buoyant so why not?