The Aesthete picks five bad cars

Why should we be interested in bad cars? Surely no reader of this blog  suffers such poor taste that they would unknowingly pay for something bad so this list attempts to find something good in cars that most sensible people look away from. There are different types of bad of course. Bad bad is just plain bad and always to be avoided. Good bad has some redeeming character such as being a very fine example of a bad car. Bad good suggests something that was once good is good no longer because of neglect or outrageous repair costs. Good good is often beyond reach. So we will start with...

1978 Morris Marina 1800 Super. It is a tragic fact that the British motor industry diverted so much money and talent into producing cars like this while Italy made Fiats, Lancias and Alfa Romeos. It was an attempt to replicate the success of the Cortina but Ford engineers had a bigger and better parts bin to rummage in while BMC was left holding old Morris Minor suspensions and a thirty year old cast iron engine.

For: There are probably none left in the UK now if that means anything to you.
Against: This is close to bad bad but has a fabulously high irony factor.
Investment potential: 0/10 but the that applies to all that follow.

1959 Edsel Ranger Coupe. In a rash of poor product planning, Ford tried to manufacture a car as pointless as a Plymouth, something that fitted between their well regarded Ford and Mercury models. Somehow everyone involved in the Edsel enterprise knew it was doomed but behaved like a crew involved in making a terrible movie.  Early cars broke down within sight of the dealerships and soon the fact that they were appalling to look at almost seemed trivial.

For: Relive those halcyon days with this Edsel Ranger.
Against: Quite a lot to spend on an abject failure.
Investment potential: See above.

1980 Nissan Sylvia. Perhaps we could consider this in our good bad category as the vendor seeks to convince us that it is the best example in New Zealand. It may well be as I doubt if there are many others left as rust and advanced apathy have cut through the ranks.  Still, the tartan decor make it look like a used car dealer from the 1980s has been flayed alive and his hide used to provide material.

For: If you are suffering from broken sleep, a spin around the block before bed time will fix things.
Against: People sometimes ask why there are so few Japanese cars on the blog.
Investment potential: ibid.

1989 Lancia Thema. It should not be on this list as it actually appears to be a good good car and therefore should be snapped up quickly. It won't be though, such is the lack of awareness of how good these Lancias are. This one languishes unsold and therefore must be a bad car by sheer public lack of acclaim. Quickly, buy now and reap the advantages of ignorance and unreasonable prejudice against big Italian saloons.

For: Handsome, fast, tough and cheap.
Against: General lack of interest.
Investment potential: Slightly better than the rest.

1951 Bond Minicar Mk "B". So anxious were buyers to acquire transport that a ready market was found for the Bond Minicar, just a small step beyond being dragged along the road on an oven tray. No doors, three wheels and a yowling Villiers two stroke suspended in the nose was all you got for your money back then. Makes a Ford Popular look like a Lagonda Rapide.

For: Absolutely nothing. The ultimate bad bad car.
Against: You could restore it but then you would have to drive it.
Investment potential: Try your luck.

On some faraway beach...

Michelotti Shelette. Not necessarily a bad car but a funny way of spending 120K on a Fiat that you probably could not use unless you own a private beach. What is that? You own a private beach? Okay then, bid freely you great bloated plutocrat.

For: Beach cars are hot.
Against. Fine if you look like Barbie. The bald and sun spotty need not apply.
Investment potential: Have these not peaked yet?