The Aesthete returns from Hell

The Aesthete's Fleet

 Hell of course being that steaming sink of vice with the broken transportation system and property market directed from an alien planet. This entry is being written as I wait for the flight that will return me to the bedizened vale of Dunedin, where only good true folk choose to live. Sadly, the only citizen of my chosen town that can balance an Alfetta driveshaft is having a holiday so the GTV remains with a void between engine and gearbox. The combined Fiat and Alfa track day at Timaru looms close. Who can think of cricket at a time like this?

1969 Lotus Elan +2.  Even small drivers look like they have made off in some sobbing child's plastic pedal car, such is the tiny scale of the original Elan. The +2 was a grown up version with a cabin able to accommodate a friendly regular sized couple although exactly what would make up the +2 part of the complement is moot. Anyone who can supply evidence that passengers have ever been carried in the back of one of these needs to provide photographic evidence.

For: From the fertile mind of Ronald Hickman, inventor of the Black and Decker Workmate.
Against: The Lotus owner is never short of handyman tasks, as Ron must have known.
Investment potential. 4/10.You do not get much of an Alfa GTV for 10K now and that must be the benchmark.

1967 Bentley T. There was a time when owning a Bentley signalled that you were on the wrong side of the class divide and that you would be followed by a howling mob of bottle throwing Marxists. That day is happily past now that you can own one for the price of a Toyota Tercel. This very early New Zealand new T series is the Aesthete's pick of smirking 1960s status symbols and ideal for those that think a Mercedes 600 is simply too grosser.

For: Find that old Reginald Maudling for Prime Minister bumper sticker now.
Against: Poor people and Green voters may still shout something rude at you.
Investment potential: 8/10 and a sure entry to any garden party you like.

1964 Chrysler Imperial Coupe. Of course the American plutocrat new better than to buy something from the upper end of General Motors, always on the louche side even when sent to the de-blinging chamber for a restyle. An Imperial Coupe was what to be seen wafting about in, as outlined in that infallible guide to 1960s decorum, Playboy magazine. As Fred Schneider put it in the B52s Love Shack "Hop in my Chrysler, it's as big as a whale and it's about to set sail!"

For: Look for videos of Barbi Benton doing the twist at the Playboy Club. You will understand.
Against: Ruby red is a bit much, admittedly but look at that interior!
Investment potential: 1/10 and descending.

1947 Studebaker Starlight. Or you could be channelling Jack Kerouac and Neal Cassady.in this Studebaker, the ultimate beat poet's ride of choice. I imagine it being driven northwards across the Auckland harbour bridge at night in the rain with a couple of party frocked passengers in the back on the way to the best party ever.

For: I know the Aesthete is a terrible romantic fool but just picture it.
Against: You would need to be drunk to drive it properly and that is not allowed these days.
Investment potential: 4/10. 18K does not seem a lot for something of this character.

1979 Chrysler Alpine GLS. The Chrysler empire swept up some interesting dishes in their tours of Europe in the 1960s. French maker Simca was scoffed down like a freshly baked croissant although its product range was similar to the Rootes Group which also disappeared down its voracious hatch. Naturally then, the French designed Simca would be badged as an Alpine and sometimes a Talbot – or a Chrysler, or all at once.

For: The first application of a one piece moulded ABS plastic bumper on a car, if that helps guide your purchasing decision.
Against: What is this doing on the list, I hear you ask. I have no explanation.
Investment potential: 3/10.  RETRO shouts the vendor, rather desperately..

On some faraway beach

1950 Simca 8 Sports. For those that associate Simca with the somewhat grim picture sketched out above, there was a time when it was the maker of bespoke coupes like this, delivered on lightly modified Fiat 1100 chassis. So like a French Cisitalia then. Styled by Pininfarina and built by Jean Daninos of later Facel Vega fame, the little 8 was ideal for nipping down to the summer villa with a basket of treats for the weekend. La dolce vita indeed.

For: Oh come on. Look at it.
Against: Not quite the real thing.
Investment potential: 3/10 if the small engined classic is the way of the future.

The Aesthete's road to ruin

The Aesthete's Fleet
One way to silence the Aesthete is to ask his advice on buying a reliable modern car. Odd sounds issue from him but drive is disengaged and the sad truth is that he can offer nothing even remotely useful. Nonetheless he would say that newish Saabs are tempting as they were well designed and built but the market is now scared silly as they are not being made any more. Wait until the values plummet on the final models sold new here, buy privately and enjoy a characterful European sophisticate for a fraction of the price. Meanwhile, here are two that are already fit to go.

1973 Saab 96. This model was a direct descendent of the post war two stroke streamliners that applied aircraft technology to the small family car. The clattery old Ford Transit motors fitted to the later examples are a letdown compared to the howling triples with their freewheel gearboxes but if you wanted something to get you to Queenstown in the winter that is not controlled by a bank of  computers, here is your car.

For: Clever and useful.
Against: The brown hue does the extruded form no favours. The Aesthete will not stoop to scatological comparisons.
Investment potential: 2/10. Limited interest in New Zealand I suspect but worthy nonetheless.

1973 Saab 99L. Rallying was the Scandinavian way of course when simply driving around in the winter time required car control skills not present in the warmer climes. This four door 99 has been prepared for serious competition and makes an interesting alternative to an Escort or similar. It come with two even more powerful motors if you do not scare yourself sufficiently on the first gravel run.

For: You will need to master lift off oversteer and the Scandinavian flick.
Against: No spare body shells if you gat too enthusiastic.
Investment potential: 2/10. Second verse, same as the first.

1990 Lancia Thema Turbo Ie 16V. The Aesthetette called our old one Thelma but was respectful of its lurid torque steer and would not drive it in the wet. She snorted when I suggested she buy this one to replace the recently destroyed Fiat Punto, seeing it as another crude subterfuge to add a car to the distaff fleet that I would get pleasure from.  What can I say?

For: Fast and hugely entertaining.
Against: High miles and probably needing some more work soon.
Investment potential: If dollars to enjoyment was the measure, 9/10

1959 Messerschmitt KR200. The cheerful vendor has added wings and guard top cannons to his Kabinenroller but there is nothing funny about the price which is in line with the hyped up values for these devices. Less amusing is the fact that the engine has to be stopped and restarted to run in the opposite direction but the potential for 100KPH in reverse is always there to brighten things up.

For: Is the Mini Alec Issigonis' Spitfire then?
Against: Practically useless.
Investment potential: 0/10. I doubt if the modifications have enhanced the value or prospects of a sale.

1936 Austin 10/4. The Aesthete's inexplicable weakness for old British commercials has him well in its fearful grip this week when there was a sliding door Bedford and this charming box bodied Austin to choose from. The Bedford was rusty and 5K whereas this nicely renovated van is available for a little more. I see it in the Aesthete's personal livery carrying out light delivery jobs like picking up old motorcycle parts from reformed Devils Henchmen.

For: One of five in the world, apparently.
Against: Oh come on, how fast do you need to go?
Investment potential: 3/10 but that may be optimistic.

On some faraway beach...

Moretti 750 Tour du Monde. More from the obscure ranks of 1960s Etceterini, this delightful cut down Ferrari 250 Tour de France is yet another coach built Fiat but fitted with period Abarth modifications so that some measure of performance can be had to match the looks. The earlier Moretti 750s are almost fetching Ferrari prices now so the awkward proportions are possibly holding this one back to a reasonable 33,000 €. See how sensible I made that sound?

For: I can see Leslie Caron driving one of these. Go on, look her up on the interweb and see what I mean.
Against: 50K for this or a Messerschmitt?  Oh, the difficult decisions we face.
Investment potential: 3/10 but only if you like them a bit funny looking.

Two weddings and a Flavia

The Aesthete's Fleet
Squint a little and imagine your Aesthete as Hugh Grant while he ferries yet another beaming couple off to their nuptial ceremony in the Flavia. It takes nerve to place everything at risk by accepting rides in fifty year old Italian classics with uncertain reliability records and no rear seat room. All credit to the bride then who, when the groom's own Lancia Gamma coupe failed to start, did not cancel the whole day. 

1978 Fiat 128. One hesitates to speculate where the husband is while his partner is holding a fire sale of his Fiat 128 racing equipe but ask no questions and carefully read the list of parts. Someone has taken his hobby awfully seriously so for another 5K you could be out on the track harassing those nasty Toyota Starlets.

For: With a Fiat you get the engine and the box it came in.
Against: He may be under the patio. Best not ask.
Investment potential: 5/10. Surely the engine of the yellow car must be worth that alone?

1968 Ferrari GTO. The owner is hoping that the stratospheric rise in the prices of real GTOs may drag up the values of replicas even though 1.2M would be more than sufficient to cover the cost of building a new one from scratch. One wonders at the economic sense of it although if I had that sort of money it would go on this rather than a Bugatti. The vendor clearly agrees and has done thirty-odd  thousand KMs in it. Good man.

For: Sublime.
Against: Owning a copy of the most expensive car in the world does not come cheap.
Investment potential: Who knows what rules apply at this end of the market?

1957 Rover 90. The car is a pleasant enough but the vendor's pitch is marvellous. Never in my experience has a Rover 90 been proffered as a powerful aphrodisiac or a desirable adjunct to a Tinder profile, most owners having long given up on vigorous intercourse for more seemly pursuits.  He even calls up the Greek pantheon to reinforce the notion that owning a Rover 90 will render you into a love god. " I am Hephaestus. Hear. Me. Roar!!" indeed.

For: Best pitch of the year, without a doubt.
Against: How can I put this?
Investment potential: It looks okay so there may be some hope. It will not help you get lucky though.

1929 Hillman Vortic. The poor fellow trying to sell this Hillman could not lay hands on a decent picture of it so I did it for him. The Vortic was another failed English effort to take otherwise sensible brands into the superior end of the market. When Humber swooped on the distressed maker in 1928, unused eight cylinder engines were slung into their chassis and shipped off to the distant colonies where they all broke down and were shoved into the back of the barn. This is now reckoned to be one of only three left in the world.

For: Fascinating.
Against: Tragic.
Investment potential: I suspect that there is not a great market for Hillman Vortics but don't let that stop you.

1987 Citroen CX25 Familiale.  It certainly looks like there is a lot of useful life left in this CX Break and you could  take grim satisfaction in acquiring it for such a miserly amount. Few cars delivered the long distance touring pleasure of a CX so if you have cause to carry eight people, engine blocks or rear axles around the countryside, here is your vehicle.

For: Gallic mechanical ingenuity put to good use.
Against: More awful mysteries than the Da Vinci Code.
Investment potential: 3/10. Surely running well and registered it must recoup the purchase price.


On some faraway beach...

1969 Lotus Europa 62R. This period adaptation of a near new 1969 Europa will save you a cool 1.175M on the ersatz GTO so I leave it to you to do the necessary calculations on the fun to money ratio. Competition Europas were typical Lotus productions with an evolving specification that ended up sharing nothing with the standard road car.  Who cares that it has a Toyota engine when the looks shout Circuit de la Sarthe so loudly?

For: Steve McQueen would understand.
Against: But would anyone else?
Investment potential: 2/10. It is a bit of a mongrel it has to be said.

The Aesthete is saved by a Studebaker

The Aesthete's Fleet

This week's list was saved by the  sell off of a Studebaker collection in Hanmer Springs when it would have otherwise been difficult to reach the quota of five interesting cars. Interesting is very subjective of course and the surfeit of slightly odd Americana is purely the toss of the Trademe dice. Bob the Bi-spyderman sent me a link to a fantastic US museum which I have pasted into the email this week so I trust that Trademe will be full of bizarre microcars next week for a bit of variety.

1974 Avanti II. The original Avanti was the last and most daring effort to sustain the struggling Studebaker company. The basic structure was borrowed from the new Lark compact but the plastic body was thoroughly new and startling in its rebuttal of US styling trends.  This is an unfinished project based around a later shell built by one of the many small concerns that carried on Avanti production into the 1990s.

For: Paint it golden sand, pop it on a set of wire wheels and drop a modern V8 into it. Grwwllll.
Against: Some of the late owner's decor choices are a bit regrettable.
Investment potential: 4/10 Even original early cars are woefully undervalued so you may as well do what you like with it.

1966 Porsche 912. The Aesthete sometimes reflects on his unfathomable distaste for the rear engined German tribe when it fulfils so many of his strange desires. A Porsche 912 would pass muster though, having the looks of the early six cylinder coupes but at a tolerable price. The voices are telling old Kombi owners that their vans are worth 70K so by rights a 912 should be worth close to a million. This one is a build it yourself  kit, however, and is being sold by someone who may also own a high powered handgun.

For: Reserve has been reached but he might just be trying to get you in range.Maybe you should just send someone you don't like to look at it.
Against: The litany of woe from the vendor does not inspire confidence.
Investment potential: 8/10 probably and certainly faster and prettier than a 1200 Kombi.

1965 Rambler Marlin. You can almost hear the agonised groaning and bellowing in the American Motors Corporation board room after the arrival of the Mustang in April 1964.  The immediate response was to fit a fastback roof to their Rebel compact for as little money as possible. The Marlin is therefore the motoring equivalent of a country singer's business at the front, party at the back haircut.

For: It depends how you feel about Ricky Scaggs but I think it has charm in abundance.
Against: Oh, come on.  Look at that rear window.
Investment potential: 2/10 Those smug Mistang owners will be wondering where they all went wrong.

1987 Lotus 11 replica. With genuine Lotus 11s becoming unprocurable, what about something that looks vaguely correct that could be raced for fun? This racing equipe comes with spare nose cone and rear corners in case you get over enthusiastic and there is a trailer to convey the wreckage away to your nearest repairer if it all goes horribly wrong. With a sprightly Toyota twin cam and five speed gearbox you will experience all the thrills known to man before the penultimate moment.

For: As Captain Beefheart once sang, a squid eating dough in a polyethylene bag is fast and bulbous. So is a Lotus 11.
Against: It is a fake but who cares?
Investment potential: 2/10 but a lot of fun.

1963 Buick Riviera. I feel like shouting to the vendor to get this car out from under the tree so we can get a good look at it. For it is nothing less than a 1963 Buick Riviera and one of the most beautiful shapes to ever take to the road. The sensory overload extends to the interior which is a sybarite's delight of brushed stainless steel, quilted vinyl and separate rear bucket seats. Ferrari 330 GT? Pfaff.

For: The rear seats alone are worth the asking price.
Against: Black fine, silver fine but not both at once please.
Investment potential: 3/10 as long as it not full of filler.

On some faraway beach.

1941 Graham Hollywood Supercharged. When the Cord empire crashed, other small American brands fell on its assists and the old Graham model range was transformed by the use of Cord body pressings. The engineering underneath was conventional although the supercharged six was strong and the cars were decently quick. 26K US does not seem outrageous for such a stunning looking car and you could have the looks without the unreliability of its front wheel drive progenitor.

For: All that for less than a Ford V8.
Against: It is not a Cord but does anyone care now?
Investment potential: 3/10 but who would know?

The Aesthete enjoys the fruits of his labours

The Aesthete's Fleet

The GTV had its first major outing with the Alfa club and a run down the coast to the Catlins. Nothing was shaken loose although the wayward driveshaft made its presence felt with a variety of rumbles, chunterings and low frequency thrumming. It shuts up with the clutch depressed but that tells you little as the whole drive train can convey vibration from anywhere and amplify it through the car's structure. I distracted myself by polishing the Tiger 100s engine cases. There. That will fix it.

1967 Ford Thunderbird. Ford's sporty little bird had metamorphosed into a fat boulevardier by the mid-1960s when the marketing types thought that extra doors would get buyers back into the showrooms. The concept was rediscovered by Mazda which makes the four door Thunderbird quite prophetic and the Aesthete has always relished the drama of reverse opening doors. Arrive in Queenstown at night, throw open the rear and watch the flashes go off, if indeed that is your thing.

For: I could see Elizabeth Taylor in one of these.
Against: I mean the 1950s Elizabeth, not the 1980s one.
Investment potential: 2/10 but their day may yet come.

Ford Mk IV Zodiac. Consider for a moment how there was enough demand to justify the hundreds of hours necessary to turn a Mk IV Zodiac saloon into  a wagon. This transformation took place at Messrs  E.D. Abbott Ltd of Farnham where partly finished cars had an extended vinyl roof and rear door added, amongst other laborious changes.  The saloon rear lights and intrusive suspension strut housings meant that you could only carry a set of skis or a fishing rod but you would be churlish to say it is not handsome.

For: Brash and stylish in a Essex sort of way.
Against: A Cortina wagon had more room.
Investment potential: 3/10. Transcends other Mk IVs.

1949 Lanchester LD10. Similarly, Britain's most expensive post-war small car was offered in s choice of aluminium or steel with the early cars carrying two quite different sets of bodywork. Neither could be called sporting in any sense but the jewel like enamelled engines were a pleasure to behold, if not a great thrill to drive. The vendor has done a bit of internet research and has got all excited about his great prize but who am I to spoil love's young dream?

For: Quaint in a foxgloves and hedge row sort of way.
Against: But its buggered, as my old Dad would say.
Investment potential: Bwahahahah.

1999 Fiat Marea Weekend. The five cylinder Marea is a proper hoot with an offbeat engine note and enough power to get you into situations difficult to explain to the authorities. Generally despised along with the rest of the large Fiat clan, this attitude will be dispelled after a drive which should take place at dawn on a slightly damp winding road. I should warn potential buyers that fitting a tow bar will cost the price of the car so if you need a workhorse, I would look elsewhere.

For: Like many big Fiats, much better then you might think.
Against: Make sure the servicing is up to date. Belts are a nightmare.
Investment potential: I paid 14 but sold mine for 2K some years back so you could say values are holding...

1998 Alfa Romeo 156. You might notice some formal similarities with Alfa's sublime 156 and think your measly 2K might be better invested there. If it was to purchase this V6 manual version, I would put up no fight at all and they are becoming attractively cheap, even in well specified form. Going fast in great style for paltry sums of money in an Alfa saloon never really tires, does it?

For: I know it is front wheel drive but it is an Alfa with that engine alone.
Against: Annoying computer issues but at least it lets you pick the gears manually.
Investment potential: 0/10, sadly.

On some faraway beach

1964 Willys Interlagos Conversível. A what's that now?, I hear you ask. Just another strange side trail in the complex history of the French Alpine sports cars that led to Brazil and the remains of the Willys-Overland empire. This very attractive convertible version of the plastic rally rocket ship was almost identical to the Alpine A108 Cabriolet Sport of 1960 and is more of a touring car although the interior is strongly suggestive of sporting pretensions.

For: Polish up your Portuguese and get bidding.
Against: You may get tired of explaining why you have bought a Willys Interlagos Conversível. instead of an Alpine A108 Cabriolet Sport.
Investment potential: You do the currency conversion. I can't do everything.